Posts tagged m
jaepanic
Start wearing purple.
My rm M is so afraid of birds because she once threw a snowball at a crow and then birds starting holding a grudge against her. One crow followed her 7 blocks dropping walnuts on her head.
M: One of my friends on facebook just said “watching muppet treasure island”. That’s it; they’re getting deleted.
M just finished canuck-ifying our living room. She decided not to hammer into the ceiling at midnight this time. The chair tower was still used but she didn’t almost fall this time, so it’s an improvement!
M with her hockey gear
M: So, I had my hockey gear in the mall today, waiting for Miles to arrive and I got a lot of stares. This one old man was staring so intensely I thought it was going to be his last moment. He was staring and his face was so perplexed I was thinking “Are you okay, medically?” I think he was genuinely confused as to where he was, like “Am I in a rink right now?”
M and her avocados
M: Wow, this seed is so huge. The other one wasn’t as big. What is it? Is it a golf ball? Did I get a prize? Is it a nut? Do I eat it? I’m so confused!
M on her spending habits during hockey season
M: I cannot afford this. Last year I couldn’t afford this. It was like: buy new jersey; cab home; drink at The Oxy, drunk and slept in so cab to work. It was a never ending cycle for three months. My bank account looked like: shirts, beer, bar, cab. Sometime food, oh and liquor of course!
While watching the Canucks game
M: Go choke on a pancake.
M: A sandwich, how do I draw a sandwich?
[types something on her computer]
Me: Did you just google sandwich?
M: Don’t judge me.
…
[Starts drawing]
M: Why does this look like a penis?
Me: What?
M: Just the top. There I’m finished. Does this look like a sandwich?
M playing pictionary on her iPhone
M: So I just found out that when you play pictionary the other person sees you as you draw it, not just the finished project. I spent 25 minutes drawing Elmo for Emily yesterday.
…
M: What do you think this is?
[Shows me a picture she drew]
Me: A camera?
M: YES! I’m getting better
…
M:What do you think this is?
[Shows me a pic she drew]
Me: A box?
M: YES!
…
M: Okay, I don’t wanna do David right now because he’s really good at theis game and that’s intimidating.
M: I text ‘yeppers’ a lot and it autocorrects to ‘yes pets’.
[reading a text]: ‘Is that autocorrect or are you drunk?’, thanks mom.
Me: Well, you are drinking.
M: Yeah, that’s a decent question actually.
…
M:[reading her mom’s text] ‘Autocorrect will get a body in trouble.’ what the fuck!?
